ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
