Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm bleeding and have questions
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
