whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
