I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize