genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
