I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
