His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
