is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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