You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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