so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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