Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
