i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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