question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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