My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
