I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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