First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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