I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
