you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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