thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
