May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
