What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
