I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
