So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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