Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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