nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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