Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Michael Bay diarrhea
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
