Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
