you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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