have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
