Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
