Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
