So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
