He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
