I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
