then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
