doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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