I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
