How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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