i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
