i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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