if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
