You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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