oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
