that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
