just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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