weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
