It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
