I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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