question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
