So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
