You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Randomize
