You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
