my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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