On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
