So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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