i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
