OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize