tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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