So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
