you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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