Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
