The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
