The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
