Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
