we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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