there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
